This Mother’s Day, I honor ALL the beautiful Mothers, Step Moms, Grandmas and Everyone who helps raise the children of the world – those who are still with us, and those who have passed on too soon. And, if you are struggling this Mother’s Day, you are loved and not forgotten.
“They told me I’m dying.”
It’s difficult to comprehend how painful it must’ve been for my Mom to hear those words coming from me – her precious daughter – over the phone.
I could feel her wanting to be with me. But my Mom was in another state.
I had just undergone my second chemo treatment. I was so weak I couldn’t even hold the phone receiver as I talked to her.
[Read the full story – in my new book! Now Available on Amazon: Angel Kisses No More Cancer ]
Today, Mother’s Day is approaching – and I am healed of cancer (which still feels like a miracle every day, and I thank God and all my Divine Helpers!).
And I am reminded of the ways in which Motherhood – (even just wanting to be a Mother) – brings vulnerability and pain (often both physical and emotional) – and at the same time, a love so great that it holds the potential for enormous growth and transformation.
With the pain, comes the potential for healing and unlocking the Divine gifts you may be seeing only glimpses of now.
Acknowledging some of the pain that accompanies Motherhood can kickstart us on the pathway to healing – necessary for our divine transformation.
The more healing we can open ourselves to, the more clear we can be to live our soul purpose.
If you feel brave and ready, this Mother’s Day let’s honor ourselves by taking the opportunity to face our pain – and love ourselves through it.
If you feel sadness come up for you while reading this, take some time to give yourself compassion, and if you feel like it, comment below to receive compassion from others!
The list below is far from comprehensive, so please feel free to share your thoughts below in the comments : )
As a wise Mama recently said to me:
“Becoming a Mother has easily been the biggest blessing of my life. I have one grown son, and I have three angels. I thank God daily for entrusting my son’s beautiful soul to my care, to raise him to believe in himself, to listen to his heart, and to trust God. Being a Mother taught me what it means to truly love someone else beyond reason, and even more than my own life. “
– Tracy Bryant Jones, Client of the New You Coaching
Sometimes, Motherhood takes a toll on a woman’s physical body, bringing various dis-eases and physical ailments. This includes fertility treatments such as IVF.
The added uncertainty of healthcare costs can compound this pain with worry and fear.
Healing the body is a huge and hugely personal undertaking – with infinite pathways that are all valid.
The key step here is that we decide to value ourselves enough to act. When we feel ready and empowered, we become our own loving advocate.
Self-love is a key ingredient in all aspects of healing.
Your mind is extremely powerful!
When you truly decide to begin the healing journey and step out of helplessness, there truly are no wrong choices.
When I was in pain and sick all the time from chemo, my (then) husband Hank and I had a motto we lived by: “What you think about you bring about.” We tried hard to think positive, believing that a positive mindset was the key to overcoming anything in life.
And don’t forget: you have Divine helpers standing by!
Call on them. Listen to your heart. Go within.
The Pain of Giving Too Much/Feeling Under-Appreciated
This idea of martyrdom and sacrifice is so embedded in our culture of Motherhood that it’s almost invisible.
Combine this with the possibility of a career and the absence of a village – and it’s a recipe for stress and struggle.
No wonder many Moms feel under-appreciated! Recent research shows – American Moms are drowning in stress.
There are no easy solutions here.
- It’s not in your head
- And – as sociologist Caitlyn Collins compassionately points out: “this is not your fault.”
Our individuated society and lack of strong social supports makes it extremely challenging for Moms to balance work and mothering.
As with physical pain, the healing path here begins with self-compassion, acknowledging where you’re at, and a decision to work on making things better.
Practice the act of receiving. In my book Angel Kisses No More Cancer ], I write:
“I was used to taking care of others, so it was odd to care for myself. I have learned over time, as a Mother and woman, I need to learn how to receive. We cannot give love unless we are willing to receive love in return. This would be like God not receiving our love and worship. As Mothers, we are required to receive from others to be at our full self. I was finally able to receive when I was going through cancer treatment.”
The Pain of Worry
We live in a turbulent time of great fear.
Moms in America worry about “messing it up,” and the stakes seem incredibly high.
We often wonder, “am I a good mother?”
And yet – all this fear and worry does absolutely nothing to help us – or our children.
Never have Mothers lived in a time where they had access to more healing wisdom.
Find a meditation that can fit into your lifestyle. Even 5 minutes a day of simple breathing could potentially work miracles.
For moments of turmoil, here’s the wonderful Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”– Reinhold Niebuhr
Try a beautiful practice by Tara Brach called “Breathing Through” in which we breathe and feel our fears, connect with our hearts, and learn that we can handle what life brings us. As she points out, “the other side of fear is the realization that we’re all in this human predicament together.”
Here is my free eBook for you to access:
And of course, I would love to connect with you in my personal coaching, designed to facilitate your deepest healing and growth.
The Mother Wound
The term “Mother Wound” describes the pain passed from Mothers to Daughters in a culture of patriarchy, and the unhealthy coping mechanisms that result, such as guilt and shame.
Do you feel some version of “not good enough”?
The Mother Wound can be related to the pain of giving too much/feeling under-appreciated that we may have learned from our Mothers (although, of course it was not their intention).
This can lead to the inability to set healthy boundaries and say no, when appropriate.
When you’re ready, make a vow to notice and start to unlearn these habits.
These are major shifts!
Be gentle and kind to yourself as you practice loving yourself, and start learning how to set clear boundaries.
Change won’t happen overnight – especially in family settings – but once these feelings start to shift, and you begin to love yourself and say no when it is the truthful and right thing – the old, deep hurt feeling of under-appreciation will start to heal.
As Bethany Webster states, “The Mother Wound is ultimately not about your mother. It’s about embracing yourself and your gifts without shame.”
No matter where you are in your Mothering journey, there’s never been a better time than now to make the decision to heal from some of the inevitable bumps and bruises of Motherhood.
In our culture, Motherhood can involve great physical and emotional pain and sacrifice – including (but not limited to):
· Health issues
· Pain of giving too much/feeling under-appreciated
· Pain of worry
· The Mother Wound
Often, these pains are inter-connected, and tied to our family history and life choices.
As challenging and complex as each may feel, it is ultimately up to each of us to acknowledge what is happening, ask for help, do what we can to help ourselves, and – when possible – do what we can to help other Mothers we see struggling.
As a wise Mama said to me recently:
“Always choose love. When we choose love, we choose ourselves, as we are Love, we are The Divine, we are all One. When we come from a place of love, we not only see ourselves as whole, complete, fulfilled, worthy, but we look at our children just the same. When we choose love, we detach from the need to control our children’s mistakes, but rather allow them to learn the lesson and grow from it.
I honor myself as a Mother, by giving and receiving love unconditionally. My children will feel safe and feel free to be exactly who they are. Our bond will only continue to strengthen over time as we learn about ourselves through our interactions with one another.
I may have been a little late to the game on this. However, every day is a fresh start. Forgive yourself. Apologize when you’re wrong and keep the past in the past because we only have the NOW.”
– PJ Bails, Client of the New You coaching
My new book is Now Available on Amazon! Angel Kisses No More Cancer